I understand the biochemical mechanism. I understand carb counting. I understand glycemic index. I understand diabetes.
So how could it be THAT hard?
Enter life as your own experiment. No textbook will ever give me the type of insight that living with the disease has given me (which is also rather convenient as a soon to be dietician). With that being said, the past 2 months have contained an abundance of highs and lows. I'm talking physical highs and lows here (however those do tend to result in emotional highs and lows, but that's a different post for a different day). While these might just sounds like numbers, they reveal some pretty serious stuff that's going on inside of you. And they change...often. Oh how they change.
Non-diabetics maintain a continual blood sugar level of 90-100, without any thought or effort. That's the goal here....for everyone. It's not that simple for me. Factors I have to take into consideration in order to maintain this ideal range:
- What I eat
- When I eat
- The rate I eat
- Am I going to work out
- Did I just work out
- Am I going to sleep in
- Am I stressed
Whoa. That's a lot to consider!
Needless to say, my blood sugars have been ALL over the place these first two months! One minute I might be at 300 and 2 hours later, 50. It's happened and it's FRUSTRATING! You feel so out of control.
I've started to become pretty sensitive to highs. I get tired, hungry, and I get a bad headache. Remaining high isn't good for your body, but it's not "scary" per se. Lows on the other hand....those are scary! I get anxious, nauseous, shaky, dizzy, and panicked to the extreme. It's my body's way of telling me something is wrong and it needs to be fixed immediately. It's a pretty effective system right now too. So far, my lowest low as been 39. It happened in the middle of the night, which isn't exactly comforting either.
All this has really been interfering with my life these past two months. I've had to leave classes, pull off to the side of the road, leave half-filled buggies unattended while I run to my car just to getaway, sit down, and eat something.
There's another way it's affected me, physically speaking. All these extreme fluctuations have caused my hair to fall out. It's complicated to explain, but I'm told it's expected with out of control blood sugars. It's vain, but it's one of the most upsetting parts of it all. I remember taking a shower several weeks ago and experiencing the first "gob" of hair coming out into my hands. It was drastic. I cried...and cried...and cried (and with that, I must express how thankful I am for my mother who brings me back to earth and a roommate who prays over me and cries alongside.) And as an update, it's slowing down a little. I'm still losing more hair than usual, but I'm hoping I've seen the worst of it.
I knew it wouldn't come easy, but I didn't know it would be this difficult. But with that being said, I've made huge leaps as well. Today was a victory in my eyes.
This is a beautiful thing.
Will everyday be like this? Probably not. But for right now I'm celebrating every small victory that comes along with this journey.
2 Corinthians 4:17: "For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever."