the story behind it all

I'm about to get pretty transparent here.  And I'm ok with that if you are.

This is how "there's love in it all" got its start.  Here's the story behind it.

Let's take a step back to...oh...September-ish of 2012.  We'll talk food, shall we?  I've always been a relatively healthy eater.  I'm pretty much surrounded by nutrition talk, whether I'm in class or at work and so I, myself, try to remain pretty consistent with what I eat and what I weigh.  I weighed myself weekly and this seemed to hold me accountable.  Toward the end of September, I noticed my weight starting to drop pretty drastically.  I wasn't too concerned to be completely honest.  October and November passed by and my weight continued to drop.  After awhile I began to make some serious dietary changes in order to counteract what I was seeing on the scale. Bummer. You would think with all the milkshakes, cookies, and jars and jars of peanut butter I consumed that the scale would begin to level off. Nope. Still declining. 

This should have been my first sign.

Throughout the course of these three months I also noticed a change in my thirst too. Oh. My. Gosh. I could out-drink Great Dane after a 15 mile hike on a 120 degree day, I kid you not.  I remember, distinctly, going out to eat one time with my family after church one Sunday.  I drank 6 glasses of iced tea before the meal had even arrived (and then we had a 45 minute car ride. that was fun.). And then, (TMI alert), I would get up at least 3 times to use the restroom during the middle of the night... almost every single night.

I definitely should have known by this point.

After the symptoms continued for several more months, I finally decided that it would be in my best interest to see a doctor and get some lab work done.

February 1st, 2013.  Several days had passed since I had lab work done and I was simply preparing for a routine day of class.  I had a test in one of my major classes so my mind was highly pre-occupied doing some last minute cramming.  I'm waiting to go into class and I see I've received a missed call. I listen to the voicemail and it's my doctor.  He hesitated.  Something wasn't as chipper about his voice as I had remembered. "Kayley, I have confidence in saying that you have diabetes. You're fasting blood glucose is 293. Call me back immediately." Utter shock.  I paced the floors of Haslam Business Building in tears, calling my mom and breaking the news to her. How on earth?  Eyes and cheeks blood red, I went into class, took my test as fast as possible, and left. 

To keep from making a long story even longer, I began to seek counsel from the One who knows the inner workings of my every being.  "Why God?" I asked. Not a frustrated, angry "Why God?" necessarily, but a "Why God?" that wanted to see how this fit into his will for me.  He didn't answer right away (if anyone is allowed to take his time, God certainly is). Several days later I asked the same question. "Why God?" Quietly, calmly, and CLEARLY, he answered, "It's because I love you, Kayley. There's love in it all."  Sounds like a paradox, doesn't it?  

We live in a society that's all about achievement. All about works. All about creating a front that says "I've got it all together."  With this attitude, it's easy to dismiss the Savior and the part He so longs to play in our lives .  He desired my complete and utter dependence and surrender.  

If this is what it took for me to get to this point, I am beyond grateful, Jesus.

God didn't deal me this because I did anything wrong. This wasn't a form a punishment. We serve a God of unconditional, scandalous love.  I have yet to figure out the full capacity of this revelation, but I'm certain it will be revealed to me in nuggets throughout my life.  One thing that is for sure, though, is that there's love in it all. 


  1. This is a beautiful blog Kayley. I am looking forward to reading your posts. Blessings!